Produced by: The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation

Starring:  Siobhan Murphy, William Vaughn, Joel Keller, Glenda Braganza, Anand Rajaram, Aliyah O’Brien, Brendan Gall and Paul Gross

Summary Judgement:  After enduring thirty laugh free minutes of the CBC’s small screen adaptation the 2002 film, I’ve come to the conclusion that Paul Gross really needs money.

Does 2002’s Men with Brooms count as a cult classic?  Because without a very dedicated fan base – fans like the Browncoats or Jericho’s peanut vigilantes – this show doesn’t stand a chance in hell of making it through its first season.

Shit…okay readers, I’m going to level with you.  I’ve spent at least twenty minutes trying to put this crappy show into words so that I can slag it off in a fashion befitting an underemployed man with a graduate degree.  But this show is so bad that the words just refuse to manifest themselves.  I can hear the wheels are spinning in my brain while the cursor blinks on my screen, daring me to annihilate this show.  Perhaps, it has been a rough weekend and my writing mojo isn’t working.  Maybe I’m drained after enduring thirty minutes of bad writing that had me thinking, “You know, Being Erica isn’t that terrible of a program.”   It could be that there is so much wrong with Men with Brooms that my thoughts are pulling a Three Stooges and the result is a doorframe logjam of critical outrage.  So here’s the fast version of why this show sucks the devil’s balls.

Unfunny white people mingle with equally unfunny ethnic people; some of these people are on a curling team, which is called a rink as the show reminds us no less than seven times.  One white guy on the rink convinces the ethnic guy on the rink to eat meat after giving it up because his domineering wife mind fucked him into doing so at some time in the past.  This is relevant because the prize for the upcoming bonspiel is a cooler full of meat.  Meanwhile, another white guy on the team tells the third white guy on the team that he can’t date the new girl in the office.  The second white guy then becomes a human prop as the third guy tries to sabotage his date with the girl from the office.  The ethnic guy’s wife continues to be an unfunny domineering bitch.  Paul Gross, who narrates the show, shows up in person to reprise his role from the movie.  The ethnic guy really wants to eat meat; the ethnic guy’s wife has mind fucked the first guy into feeling bad about convincing the ethnic guy to eat meat in the first place.  So, the first guy decides to throw the meat match.  Then, for some reason, a second ethnic woman convinces the woman from the office that the third guy actually likes her through a mind fuck of her own.  The guys lose the curling match.  Guy three and office girl end their date on an awkward note, but the writers offer us the hope of something more to come, assuming the show doesn’t get cancelled later this week.  Oh and Paul Gross pops up again for a moment of narcissism that reminds us that this otherwise  unimaginative piece of small-town ephemera has a connection to something that some people at one point thought was mildly amusing.  Unless this show means to be a scattered marriage of mundane banalities, the only point that it brought forward is that men in small towns will do anything for meat and women come in two varieties: domineering bitches and insecure tarts.

That’s it.  That’s all there is to it. Men with Brooms is so cookie cutter mundane that it sapped my will to tear it a new asshole.  It’s so utterly devoid of laughs that at one point I expected to see Stephen Harper in the writing credits.  I don’t know what the CBC is playing at with this show.  Perhaps they think it will appeal to a hipper younger generation?  All I saw was the death of funny.

Overall score: -4