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Fiction Friday: The Aurora Awards Edition — Part Four: Susan Forest’s Turning it Off

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 18, 2012Posted in: Lit Reviews

Part four of the Aurora Awards Fiction Friday series peels back the layers on Susan Forest’s Turning it Off. I honestly don’t know how Susan Forest does it. Every time I read one of her stories, I think to myself, “Damn, she can’t get any better than this.” Then I read another and she manages to raise the bar a few inches higher. So without further ado, let’s get into it.

What’s it about

Turning it Off is speculative fiction of the highest order. The story looks at a technologically sophisticated nanny state as seen through two teenagers and their families. And while teenage hormones play a part in this story, I’d be loathed to call it a “coming of age” story.

Carter and Samantha live in a world where people, cars, and anything else you can imagine are surrounded by protective energy shields called “safeties”. Safeties have made things like insurance, physical pain, and unplanned death a thing of the past. On the Saturday in which this story is set, Sam spends the day at Carter’s house when their respective fathers go out for a round of golf. As Carter’s mother prepares to leave the two to their own devices, Sam reveals to Carter that she’s stolen a remote control that will let them do the unthinkable: turn off their safeties.

Why it works

Sex. Well not actual sex, but some symbolism and accidental contact that sees Carter and Sam taking their first steps into sexual maturity through an act of rebellion. However, that’s only the surface level of the narrative. The subtle ways that Susan Forest builds this world really makes the story a fantastically layered piece.

Running parallel to the safeties is a networked computer system that is simultaneously interconnecting and alienating. Everybody in Turning it Off is equipped with a cerebral implant that projects images and data directly into their fields of vision. It’s facebook and google taken to the nth degree. With those innovations come changes in language and the decline of spoken English in lieu of texting or thought transmission. On that point, “hurt” takes on an unexpected context. With safeties making humanity impervious to everything, physical pain is such an antiquated concept that the only hurt that Sam and Carter are able to conceptualize is emotional. Simple changes like that offer endless depth at an almost negligible word count.

Then there’s the criticism of the nanny state itself. In a world without risk, where death is a planned event rather than a tragedy, what’s to motivate a person to strive for great things? What happens when somebody grows bored with a life devoid of risk? The story portrays daredevil antics, such as manually driving a car without a safety in use, as an act of social deviance. Therein the text evokes serious questions about how we protect ourselves. I’m reminded of a recent news story that saw a school ban the use of balls on the playground as a means of reducing scraped elbows and other sundry childhood bumps and bruises. It’s quite obvious that Turning it Off takes safety to the point of absurdity, but in doing so it reminds readers just how slippery a slope regulating common sense can be. Not to mention it illustrates an essential truth that some people are always going to see rules as a thing to circumvent, rather than respect.

The Most Memorable Part

One of Carter’s first actions after Sam deactivates his safety is to touch a hot stove. It’s a quintessential childhood experience from which most of us learn abstractions like pain. In that moment Carter discovers a part of his humanity that society had hidden in its attempt to protect him, and everybody else, from the dangers of being alive.

The Bottom Line

Without any heavy world building, Turning it Off creates a fully realized environment, and then populates it with characters whose actions are sci-fi inspired extensions of our society’s current obsession with interconnectivity and safety. If you haven’t read any of Susan Forest’s other writing, then this is a fine place to start. Turning it Off was first published in the December 2011 issue of Analog Science Fiction and Fact.

Next week, I wrap up the Aurora Award short fiction nominees with a look at Suzanne Church’s The Needle’s Eye.

Remember that you too can have a voice in deciding who goes home with Aurora glory. Membership in the CSFFA gets you a voting ballot and access a veritable library of high quality fiction.


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Television Review: First Impressions of Tron Uprising

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 16, 2012Posted in: TV Reviews

He fights for the users

Summary Judgement: Landing somewhere between V for Vendetta and Batman Begins, this is what Tron Legacy should have been.

Starring the voices of: Elijah Wood, Mandy Moore, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Lance Henriksen, and Bruce Boxleitner

*Some minor spoilers ahead but  nothing that you wouldn’t have figured out from a trailer*

My wait for the first episode of Tron Legacy brought about feelings of excitement and anxiety. Behind the excitement was a number of trailers that looked and sounded sensational while also offering a glimmer of hope for intelligent story telling. Anxiety because, well, Tron Legacy looked and sounded great, but pretty much plateaued there. And over everything hung the looming shadow of The Mouse, the trademark that promises family friendly drivel entertainment at every turn.

In a mere thirty minute premiere, series writers Edward Kitsis & Adam Horowitz, who also wrote the screenplay for Tron Legacy as well as created the now hit series Once Upon a Time, struck upon something that adds a depth to the Grid that has never before been seen.

Cubism is the new death

The series is situated after Clu’s initial rebellion against Flynn, but before the events of Tron Legacy. Within Argon City, a place at the very edge of the Grid, a maintenance program named Beck (Elijah Wood) witnesses his home annexed by Clu’s army. Shortly after the successful occupation begins and ends, General Tesler (Lance Henriksen) converts the city’s communal and non-lethal game grid into a plaza commemorating Clu (now voiced by Fred Tatasciore who does a phenomenal imitation of an evil Jeff Bridges). Beck’s friend Bhodi protests Tesler’s occupation and is immediately derezzed for his troubles. The capricious murder stirs Beck to action. Hoping that he will inspire others to resist, Beck assumes the mantle of Tron. His first act is to decapitate a statue of Clu before destroying the plaza that housed it. Fleeing from security programs, Beck is chased into the wastelands by Paige (Emmanuelle Chriqui – whose voice you may recognize from the contemporary Thundercats series) Tesler’s right hand program.

Alone in the wilderness, Beck discovers another program, a program long since thought dead, Tron. And Tron is looking for a successor.

So, let’s start with the big question, how does the series get around the Rinzler issue? Quite well, actually. Legacy left us to assume that Tron was converted into Rinzler immediately following his defeat. That assumption is false. Clu left Tron for dead after beating him down. The defeated, but still living, security program then went into self-imposed exile. It’s not so much a retcon as a subtle manipulation of existing canon. Before you complain, consider that this action keeps Tron as a central figure within the series; whereas both Tron and Tron Legacy could have just as easily been called Flynn and Flynn Legacy. After thirty years, it’s about time Tron actually gets explored as a character.

Don’t mind my arm, it’s just a flesh wound

I’m also quite impressed with how the writers are managing the issue of violence within the Grid. Despite being a House of Mouse creation, the world of Tron has always been a dangerous place. Programs who aren’t appropriated as soldiers often end up as gladiators, fighting to the death for the amusement of the masses. A given program’s free will is often limited by strong external forces. Hell, the MCP could easily be seen as the inspiration for Star Trek’s Borg. The Grid is not the sort of place that lends itself to a “nobody dies” philosophy. Yet programs of all varieties are derezzed within the series premiere. Note the verb, derezzed. Nobody is killed, per se, but they still die. When guts and gore are represented on the Grid as cubist art, it’s pretty easy to get away with things that no other animated feature could imagine. The difference may be arbitrary, but it’s enough to make the stakes feel real without becoming excessively gruesome or reducing the action to GI Joe’s level of last second bail outs.

Still, the real appeal of the writing is its ability to establish legitimacy in the story’s central conflict while avoiding a head-on collision with the various horrors that come with totalitarian rule. Consider Beck’s first act of rebellion against Clu’s occupying force: in donning Tron’s garb and destroying a propaganda symbol, he hopes to incite violent change within his society. By any modern definition it’s an act of terrorism. Yet the word is never so much as whispered. Instead, Beck’s branded a renegade program. Once again, the devil’s in the details, but that’s what makes it so clever. Even little things like Tesler loading “volunteers” for the Games into “light-trains” speaks to a 20th century historical context. No twelve year old will ever see this decision as a reference to the holocaust, but any adult with half a brain will catch on to the symbolism.

Overall, Tron Uprising has set itself up to be the true legacy to a movie that genre fans fell in love with thirty years ago. Various remixes and additions to Daft Punk’s already amazing Tron Legacy soundtrack combine with a unique visual aesthetic to bring the grid to life. With Tron training Beck, much as an aged and broken Bruce Wayne took Terry McGinnis under his wing, Uprising looks like a smart, emotionally charged, and poignant addition to the franchise.

Tron Uprising makes its official premiere on June 7, 2012 on Disney XD.


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Book Review: Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 15, 2012Posted in: Lit Reviews

Summary Judgement: The novel’s satire runs so perfectly parallel to the zeitgeist of contemporary culture that it’s either the most flippant and offensive thing I’ve ever read, or the most concise allegory on post-industrial culture to ever to be constructed.

Where the hell does a book reviewer start when the protagonist of the novel in question is a teenage trillionaire who is also the founder of the world’s most popular religion as well as the self-appointed saviour of humanity? Did I mention that Guy Boy Man, the eponymous pirate of Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies wants to save humanity by destroying it?

NVPFZ is set in a world, very much like this world, quite possibly this world, where zombies control everything. Upon realizing that life is a prison meant to entertain human teenagers until such time as they can become infected with “The Strain” and turn into zombies, Guy Boy Man kills his parents. It’s okay, they were zombies, probably. He then meets a centaur named Centaur111 who gifts him with all the money in the world on the condition he can never tell a girl that he loves her. Therein, Guy Boy Man, demagogue, messiah, and teenager begins his quest to save humanity by purging his school of all zombie influences.

Eradicating Scare City High School of its zombie control means that Guy Boy Man has to confront the unseen foe that dominates all aspects of school life, The Principal. Along the way he meets Babydoll15, the love of his life, even though he can’t tell her, Sweetie Honey, the most bad-ass ninja to ever grace the Earth, and a quartet of impossibly perfect looking Eastern European girls who are the result of an abandoned KGB project to spy on America.

It’s absurd, nihilistic, narcissistic, and bitingly funny – no pun intended, and that’s just the first chapter. The only other thing I’ve read that is this measured in its planned insanity is Kurt Vonnegut Jr.’s Slaughterhouse Five.

Yet the satire that drives the story is a complicated thing. There’s a very real chance that everything that Guy Boy Man sees as reality is just a twisted acid trip, or some similar demarcation from reality – case in point, throughout the book Guy Boy Man imbibes enough whiskey as to kill a full grown Rhinoceros. There are enough clues in the text to suggest that when confronted with the uncaring tedium of the world, Guy Boy Man adopted a perceptual filter that allows him to cope with Western civilization through the tropes of 70s genre movies. Perhaps Guy Boy Man, and the world that Marshall has created, embodies the perceived, if not essential, cynicism that was Generation X’s ethos. Then again, it could be a bad acid trip, who’s to say.

That’s where things get potentially alienating. Guy Boy Man, who is also the narrator of the text, has some rather unusual ideas about the world. For example, he employs a very clever sort of sophistry to explain how religion, specifically Catholicism and Christianity, is a form of piracy. He considers obese people as well as the disabled, both mentally and physically, apt human shields during a gun fight with some “troubled teens”. Also, the aforementioned festively plump factor into Guy Boy Man’s plans to harness human bio-fuel as a means of ending America’s dependence on foreign oil.

One level, it’s quite obvious that Guy Boy Man is echoing the absurd notions of certain fringe minorities were their ideas taken to the extreme. In doing so, the narrator’s voice becomes a way of subverting harebrained politics and policies. A deeper reading of the text reveals a character who perfectly channels the teenage desire to root out hypocrisy in all its forms. But where most teenagers could well be expected to default into outrage and “damn the man” philosophy, Guy Boy Man is The Man. His reactions to the world are that of a fully empowered Stephen Colbert.

So there can be little doubt that this is a highly political and socially aware novel. But hardly anything therein is scared. In so much as I laughed at the one-liners, the deep satire, and the semiotics as foreplay to the most awkward sex scene ever, I can imagine a great many people who won’t be able to get past Swiftian discourses on eating babies under the age of three, or one of Guy Boy Man’s sermons on howtoendhumansuffering.com that is anchored around the idea that killing the unemployed would be the best way to stimulate the economy. It’s not enough to say that some people won’t like this book. Some people won’t like any book. NvPfZ goes out of its way to make light of a great many things that are very important to a great many people. In doing so, the novel offers a powerfully didactic relationship with its readers in that it uses absurdity to comment on existing self-destructive trends within society.

Make no mistake, Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies might have all the trappings of a light hearted genre romp, but it would be folly to assume it is a frivolous piece of writing. This is a tremendous literary work that draws together a teenage voice of outrage with the various “adult” problems of our world. Like all novels by ChiZine Publications, it’s probably not for everybody, but who wants to live in a world where everything is?


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Television Review/Recap: Game of Thrones Season Two Episode 7 – A Man Without Honour

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 14, 2012Posted in: TV Reviews

This week on Game of Thrones, life is a prison and the choices that we make are its bars. How poetic.

*Spoilers Ahead*

Let’s go East, South and North for this episode. That way recapping is like eating a really expensive steak served in a cheap hamburger bun.

Qarth

I spent a good chuck of Saturday playing Game of Thrones: the board game. During which time I complained about how bored I am with Daenerys Targaryen’s story as well as Emilia Clarke’s substandard acting abilities. My friends assured me that by the fourth novel Daenerys’ character becomes interesting. At least we can all have something to look forward to in the Summer of 2014.

Long story made short, Daenerys whines about her missing dragons. She then complains to Jorah Mormont about how she can’t trust anybody, the irony of which becomes apparent when the face mask lady from a few episodes back reminds us that Mormont almost let her Daenerys die in exchange for a pardon from Robert Baratheon. Finally, Daenerys begs the city fathers of Qarth to help find her dragons. In a surprise turn of events Xaro Xhoan Daxos and the jaundiced fellow from the House of the Undying admit to stealing the dragons. The two men then proceed to have all of the thirteen killed so that Daxos might become king of Qarth. Once again Daenerys’ decisions have trapped her in an untenable situation.

King’s Landing

Poor Sansa Stark wakes up to find that she’s had her first period. Fearing that she will now be able to bear Joffrey’s children, Sansa and Shae attempt to destroy the evidence before anybody else in the palace notices her bloody sheets. Shae intercepts one of Cersei’s hand maidens but returns to find The Hound in her room.

Surprisingly enough, Cersei is rather understanding toward Sansa. In a moment of forthright honesty, Cersei warns Sansa that a queen should only love her children as loving anybody else, including her husband, would make her weak. Later, during a conversation with Tyrion, Cersei admits that Joffrey is a lost cause. And again, it’s a moment of gut wrenching honesty conveyed through Lena Headey. As a mother, Cersei Lannister wants to protect her son, but she knows that he’s a power mad tyrant. Cersei’s fear, a fear she voices to Tyrion and in doing so all but abandons the pretence that Robert Baratheon is Joffrey’s father, is that her eldest son’s madness is the result of her incest with Jamie. For his part, Tyrion seems almost sympathetic toward his sister, a woman who last episode was vowing revenge against him.

Also, Stannis Baratheon’s fleet is five days from King’s Landing. Shit is about to get real in King’s Landing.

Riverlands

Robb has another run in with the sexy nurse lady. In need of medical supplies, she accompanies Robb to some negotiations where the Lannisters are apparently surrendering to the Starks. When did that happen? Did I miss something?

Meanwhile Alton Lannister, who you’ve probably forgot about by now, returned to Robb bearing Cersei’s refusal to acknowledge the Stark’s peace terms. Alton then gets thrown in a pen with Jamie Lannister. Therein the two trade stories about being squires before Jamie beats Alton’s head to a bloody pulp as a means of facilitating his escape. It’s a futile gesture as he’s very quickly recaptured by the Starks, whose banner men are now howling for Lannister blood. Catelyn Stark manages to impose some order, but the peace is a dubious one at best. During a subsequent conversation with the Kingslayer, Lady Stark draws a sword on Jamie as he pokes Catelyn’s raw nerve concerning Jon Snow and Ned Stark’s extramarital affair.

Harrenhal

Tywin Lannister is treating the death of his man in the previous episode as an attempt on his own life. For want of information on the would-be assassin, he’s taken to torture, hanging, and village burning as a research tool. So much for the Tywin who put a stop to needless waste a few episodes back.

There’s a bit more banter between Tywin and Arya on the finer points of Westeros’ history and Tywin’s legacy to his children. This results in Tywin calling Arya out as a high born girl masquerading as a commoner. Arya parries with a story about how her mother was the handmaiden to a Lady, ergo she knows proper manners and etiquette. Line of the night goes to these two when Tywin asks, “Has anybody ever told you that you’re too smart for your own good?” and Arya answers, “Yes.”

So the big question, does Tywin know she’s actually Arya Stark? Or is he operating under the assumption that she’s the daughter of a minor noble from the North?

Winterfell

NB: I continue to call supreme shenanigans on what the writers are doing with this plot arc. More so after finding out that in the novel Theon Greyjoy took Winterfell through deception, rather than force of arms.

Theon’s big theme this week is that it’s better to be cruel than weak. So he beats the ever loving piss out of one of his men for letting Bran and Rickon escape with Hodor and the wildling woman. Then, Theon literally releases the hounds.

The motley crew, pun intended, take a bunch of horses and go riding after the fugitives. I guess they brought those horses with them on their one boat? Because anybody who knows anything about horses knows that a horse is rather particular about its rider.

As for securing Winterfell, it’s a race between Theon’s sister and Robb’s men. Invoking Ned Stark, Theon proclaims that 500 men can hold Winterfell against 10,000. Pay no attention to the fact that at said 20:1 ratio, 5 men should have been able to hold Winterfell against Theon’s 100 and their grappling hooks.

As for Bran, Rickon, and company, they come upon a farm but Bran insists that they not expose themselves to the people there, lest the hounds track their scent and Theon torture the farmers for information. In the episode’s final scene, there’s a hint that Bran and team have been captured. Returning to Winterfell, Theon, intent to set an example for the people in the city, hoists up two charred bodies before the city gates.

I know we’re supposed to think that’s Bran and Rickon, but I’m not buying it. My suspicion is that Theon did indeed lose Bran and Rickon’s trail and decided to BBQ some locals in keeping with his cruelty before weakness policy.

North of the Wall

Wake me up when something that isn’t predictable happens. The wildling captive spends most of her screen time pointing out the obvious flaws in the Night’s Watch prohibition on sex while simultaneously pointing out just how capital-F “Free” she and the other wildlings are North of the Wall.

The girl’s continuous attempts at seducing Jon, both sexually and ideologically, away from the restrictive life of the Night’s Watch eventually leads her to another run for freedom – big surprise there. Jon follows her into a boxed canyon where a dozen or so wildlings appear from nowhere with spears in hand.

Though predictable, the scenes with the wildling girl add a bit more depth to the wildlings’ back story. Despite living on the other side of the Wall, the wildlings share a common ancestry with the people of the Seven Kingdoms via the “First-Men”. I know a friend of mine who would have a lot of fun looking at this reveal through the lens of displaced indigenous peoples. Since the wildlings don’t live in cities and castles, they are not civilized. So why not build a wall to keep them isolated on the shitty land and away from the rest of Westeros’ proper folk.

I’m curious to know if the books lend themselves to any such discussion – somebody who’s read them can feel free to leave a comment and fill me in.

The Bottom Line

A step in the right direction compared to last week. This week also produced a bit of subtext worth parsing out here and there. With Stannis’ invasion less than a week away from King’s Landing, I think we have to view this as the calm before the storm.

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Fiction Friday: The Aurora Awards Edition — Part 3: Randy McCharles’ One Horrible Day

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 11, 2012Posted in: Lit Reviews

Part three of the Aurora Awards Fiction Friday series looks at Randy McCharles’ One Horrible Day. It’s an interesting story, perhaps even a tale that borders on becoming high concept. But at nearly ten thousand words in length, I found myself wondering why there was such an abundance of world building yet a noticeable deficit of plot.

What it’s about

One Horrible Day is a hard-ish science fiction story set in the aftermath of an accident involving “Strange Matter” and morphic field shifts. Therein, a scientist named Howard Russell wakes up in his lab to find the building ruined, his computer spouting out warnings, and his legs severed. Then he wakes up again to find the wrong pair of legs attached to his body. When he wakes up for a third time, Howard is a Frankenstein’s monster of cybernetic augmentations and his dead colleagues’ body parts. The author doesn’t attempt a serious explanation of morphic fields, except to illustrate that they have somehow slipped Howard out of his universe and into another.

Once that revelation occurs, the action shifts to a side story about two men who work for the mayor of a city called “Glory.” These men go to a club called Oz where they have to “disappear” Dorothy, one of the Mayor’s mistresses. That doesn’t quite go as the mayor’s men expect.

In the final act, One Horrible Day focuses on Howard meeting his alternate universe self in the club. But instead of a being a research scientist, he’s the master of ceremonies for a deviant variety show.

Why it works

About that, I don’t know that it does.

The details of Glory as a city, Glory’s corrupt mayor, and the starlet who murders police because she can, are all very interesting. Yet, there’s nothing in the text to tell me why I should care about them. I don’t even know why I should care about the protagonist, Howard Russell, despite the amount of words that are dedicated to framing him as a victim, monster, and stranger in a strange land.

Perhaps there’s some subtextual message that Mr. McCharles is trying to get at through his invocation of Mary Shelley and L. Frank Baum. I can see the appeal in taking the theatrical image of the Wizard of Oz, and subverting it into a sex club as that speaks to a loss of innocence. As well, turning Howard into a monster allows for some “who is the greater monster” wool gathering. But beyond that, I don’t see the point. There’s nothing in those details that seem to drive the story.

In fairness, the entirety of this near-novella would be supremely interesting if it was the first chapter of a novel. Perhaps within the context of the “Tenth Circle Project”, the anthology series from which this work is drawn, One Horrible Day works quite well. On its own, all I see is world building. Great world building, mind you, but world building nonetheless.

Then again, this wouldn’t be the first piece of Aurora nominated short fiction that I’ve turned my nose up to. I’m willing to admit that perhaps I’m just being too dense to see the trees for the forest. In which case, feel free to educate me.

The Most Memorable Part

Club Oz, itself. McCharles has created a fascinating place with its wicked/good witch hostesses/courtesans and android bartenders in the form of the scarecrow, lion, and tinman. The only particularly interesting event within the story, Dr. Russell’s confrontation with the alternate version of himself, happens within Oz. The wizard kills the wizard; the monster kills the monster. Beyond that, Oz seems like the kind of place that oozes conflicts between the sort of folk that any sane person would want to avoid meeting. Given Oz’s potential, the entirety of the story could have been set there.

The Bottom Line

The words of this story reflect an obvious dedication to the world in which it is set. However, the focus is far too much on that world, and not enough on the events within it. Given the length, I expected substantially more in the way of narrative development from One Horrible Day. Within the pages of the Tenth Circle Project anthology, I suspect this is a magnificent contribution. On its own, it’s akin to watching one episode of Twin Peaks and trying to understand everything that came before it.

Next week, Suzanne Forest’s Turning It Off.

One Horrible Day originally appeared in the second volume of the Tenth Circle Project anthology.

Joining the CSFFA allows you access to this story and many others, as well as a voting ballot in the 2012 Aurora Awards.


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Television Review/Recap: Game of Thrones Season 2 Episode 6

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 7, 2012Posted in: TV Reviews

I’m a wee bit conflicted on this episode. On the one hand, events in King’s Landing are fantastic. I’d be the happiest man in the world if an entire episode was set there. Such an action would also assuage my growing fears that Game of Thrones is going to turn into Heroes, a show which was crippled by its exponential character growth and plot lines that never really connected.

While things north of the Wall felt a bit more interesting this week, the story in Qarth is as tedious as ever. As for Winterfell, well things just don’t make sense there.

*Spoilers Ahead*

North of the Wall

The rangers tell Jon Snow that he can never expect loyalty from his dire wolf as wild things are beyond knowing. Shortly thereafter they take a wilding prisoner at the mouth of some wildling cave/encampment. Jon gets tasked with killing her, that’s right, it’s a woman, but he doesn’t have the stones to go through with it, you know because she’s a woman. After botching the execution she leads Jon on a merry chase, separating him from the other rangers. With the rangers out of sight, Jon and the wildling set up camp for the night. There’s some cuddling for mutual warmth and a knowing grin on the face of the wildling woman.

Winterfell

Let it be known right now that I’m calling shenanigans on this entire story arc. Theon Greyjoy, the new lord of Winterfell, announces before the assembled denizens of Winterfell keep that he took the castle using grappling hooks to climb the walls. So either Bran Stark is an idiot who sent every man he had, including the guards on the walls, to help the other city, or the Stark’s soldiers are so stupid that they didn’t hear iron hooks bouncing off stone walls.

I don’t know who is to blame for this terrible piece of writing but somebody ought to get flogged for it.

So now Theon and his one ship worth of men (laughable) are occupying the whole of Winterfell. To prove that he is serious about things, Theon lops off Ser Rodrik’s head. Nothing punctuates a scene like the death of a minor character.

Skip ahead and the Stark’s resident wildling gets naked for Theon, offering up savage pleasures to her new lord in exchange for freedom. After shagging Theon into a coma, she leaves his bed to free Hodor, Bran, and Rickon Stark.

A cripple, a child, and an idiot escape from a castle…it sounds like the setup to a Marx brothers joke.

The Riverlands

Not much of note happens here. Robb Stark has a chat with that nurse from a few weeks back. In the process he figures out that she is noble born, puppy love eyes soon follow.

Catelyn Stark returns to the camp just in time to cock block Robb. Ma Stark reminds Robb that he’s promised to one of the daughters of that guy from last season who controlled the bridge.

As if being married ever stopped Ned Stark or Robert Baratheon from doing as they pleased.

When a raven arrives with news of Theon Greyjoy’s attack on Winterfell, Robb begrudgingly delegates the counter attack to one of his banner men. The only thing that keeps him from going himself was a reminder that he has the Lannisters on the run.

I’m actually okay with things being a bit slow paced in Robb’s story. I know it’s going to lead up to a huge battle (or some sort of game changer) either at King’s Landing or in Castlerly Rock.

Qarth

It’s time to fire Emilia Clarke. No, I’m serious. Her outrage as Daenerys Targaryen borders on comical. This week she pitched a fit in the home of a Qarthian noble, demanding ships and men to retake Westeros. As she was yelling about her rightful claim to the Iron Throne, it almost looked as if the actress was trying to fight a smile while delivering her lines.

I know that some of the fault lay in the writing – Daenerys’ character is much younger than Emilia Clarke – but her inability to convey a proper range of emotions is only making a bad thing worse.

So what actually happened in Qarth? Daenerys pitched some tantrums, nobody would help her, and then her dragons were stolen.

King’s Landing

Everybody assembles at the beach to see Princess Myrcella Baratheon shipped off to Dorn. Cersei, who refuses to believe that her brother is acting in his niece’s, and the family’s, best interest swears an equal vengeance on Tyrion. Anybody want to place bets on how long it takes Cersei to find out about Shae?

En route to the keep, the Royal party is met with jeers and cat calls from the great unwashed. One person even lobs a pile of shit in Joffrey’s face. Enraged, Joffrey orders his men to kill the poop slinger. With that command, a full blown riot ensues.

This scene was amazing. Sheer unbridled populist outrage takes hold of the city. Lannister guards are torn limb from limb by the mob. Poor Sansa, who Joffrey left to her fate despite Tyrion’s objections, nearly gets gang raped just because she looks to be high born. The only thing that saves her is the Dog’s timely intervention.

Then, the coup de grace, the thing that we’ve all been waiting for: Tyrion slaps Joffrey. The slap came on the heels of the line of the night, also uttered by Tyrion, “We’ve had idiot kings and vicious kings, but you are the first vicious idiot that we have ever seen.”

At this rate, Stannis Baratheon isn’t going to have to attack King’s Landing. He’ll just need to show up and the people of the city will give him the Iron Throne.

Harrenhal

Once again, nothing here was particularly essential to the main plot.

During a strategy meeting we learn that Tywin Lannister’s councillors are idiots – probably why he is losing the war. We’re also treated to a bit of Tywin’s back story. Hearing about how he taught Jamie to read, despite his eldest son’s dyslexia, was enough to make me wonder why his children turned out as they did. In fact, he hardly seems like the same man who orchestrated Tyrion’s tactical heart break.

After that, Arya orders her second kill when one of the Lannister guards catches her with a stolen letter concerning Robb’s troop movements. So who will be the third to get it at the hands of the Ghost? Tywin himself, perhaps?

Later, Little Finger shows up for a planning session with Tywin. He suggests getting House Tyrell on side with the Lannisters, despite the fact that they were recently allied through marriage to Renly Baratheon. All the while, Arya attempts to keep her back turned on Lord Baelish lest he recognize her. I suspect we’re meant to think Arya was successful in remaining anonymous as to heighten the surprise next week if/when Little Finger confronts her.

The Bottom Line

After watching King’s Landing tear itself apart, I continue to lament the fact that the majority of the show’s focus has left that city. I know the source material does little to bring the divergent stories together, but television doesn’t lend itself to that sort of writing. The writers need to start taking liberties with the novels whereby they bring more of the cast together. Otherwise the plots, as well as the character interactions, risk going prematurely stale.


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Fiction Friday: The Aurora Awards Edition – Part 2: Marie Bilodeau’s The Legend of Gluck

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 4, 2012Posted in: Lit Reviews

The Barbarian by ~XiaMan via Deviant Art

Image by ~XiaMan via Deviant Art

This week’s Aurora Awards edition of Fiction Friday changes gears from alternate Earth primate assassins to sword and sorcery fantasy. Before I get into the review I’ll offer one quick disclaimer. I’m not the biggest reader of fantasy stories. Moreover, I thought the first half of The Fellowship of the Ring (book) and the entirety of Peter Jackson’s movie of the same name were boring as sin. Those formative experiences have, for good or bad, shaped a lot of how I evaluate fantasy stories.

What’s it about?

The Legend of Gluck was originally published in Dragon Moon Press’ When the Hero Comes Home anthology. As such, the story centers on events that occur after Gluck the Barbarian, ninth of his name, has fought with an alliance of elves, dwarves, and fairies to defeat Klar the Dark. The story’s opening scene sees Gluck dragging the decapitated head of Klar the Dark back to his ancestral homeland.

For Gluck, defeating Klar was never about saving the world from the forces of evil. Gluck’s motivations were much more personal. Among his people, Gluck the Seventh, Gluck’s grandfather, was believed to actually be Klar the Dark. Therefore, Klar’s festering inhuman cranial remains were to be the proof that absolved Gluck’s family line from the shame that had been heaped upon them. Unfortunately, Lurp the Seventh, chieftain of the barbarians, refuses to acknowledge Klar’s maggoty head as acceptable proof of Gluck the Seventh’s innocence. When Klar’s head comes back to life, things really get bad.

Why it works

First and foremost it tells a story in a fantasy setting without having a word count that is best conveyed in scientific notation. (I’m talking to you, George R.R. Martin.)

There’s also the fact that Marie Bilodeau has eschewed every awful stereotype of barbarians in her construction of Gluck and his tribe. These aren’t the sort of barbarians who include lamentations of widows among the things that are best in life. Gluck’s people have a well developed class structure and vicious internal political squabbles. The few lines of text that shed light on this reality make Gluck’s people seem more akin to Florentine nobles than any sort of Sumerian gimmick.

While there’s an inevitable pathos that comes with stories about war veterans, regardless of the genre, war is hell, The Legend of Gluck draws upon it with the utmost in subtle brushstrokes. In doing so, Gluck’s return home contrasts the difficult relationship between people of worldly perspectives and those who are more provincially minded.

Gluck’s people cling to ancient racial stereotypes of elves as sneaky and dwarves as lazy, despite the fact that those people fought a war, which in the case of the fairies was a genocidal affair, on behalf of the isolationist barbarians. In the hands of a lesser writer, a scenario such as this would lend itself far too easily to a pro-military propaganda piece disguised as fantasy. Such is not the case with this story. Gluck may see his people as narrow minded cowards when they turn on his elven comrade in arms, yet he also recognizes that his sense of self, as well as his personal honour, has grown beyond his tribe’s limited definition. In that realization, going home does not mean returning to the place he was born, but the place for which Gluck took responsibility: the world at large.

The Most Memorable Part

This bit, right here.

Gluck grabbed his axe – the double edged weapon was covered in nicks, but still sharp.

““Wait,” Alara shoulted, but Gluck ignored her, rushing forward. He embedded the axe in both Klar’s eyes with a cross hit. Dark liquid gushed forth.

If I live to be one-hundred twenty years old, I will never, ever be able to get that image out of my head. Awesome.

The Bottom Line

Marie Bilodeau’s The Legend of Gluck might work within established fantasy confines, but it tells a tale that imagines the barbarian as a character who is as sharp as the weapon he wields. There’s a persistent appeal to emotion, but reason is the dominant motif that carries the narrative. Unburdened by excessive world building, the plot is fast paced yet remains suitably complex. Rather than reinventing the wheel, Marie Bilodeau simply fixes horse to cart and lets the story happen. This is exactly what every fantasy story ought to strive for.

The The Legend of Gluck was originally published within the When the Hero Comes Home anthology. Joining the CSFFA allows for access to this story, as well as many other great works of Canadian fiction.

Next week, Randy McCharles’ One Horrible Day.


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The Daily Shaft: End of Season Predictions for Community

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 3, 2012Posted in: Television, The Daily Shaft, TV Reviews

I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to acknowledge that this is probably the end for Community. With the season finale happening as part of a three episode in one night ordeal, it’s hard not to see this scheduling decision as NBC burning off episodes in the can as a means of freeing up the 8PM timeslot. But maybe, just maybe, that quiet whisper, or is it a whimper, of optimism that resides in the back of my head is right when he suggests that this is NBC attempting to show how Community can work as the majority of Thursday’s primetime comedy block. Yeah, that’s right. Because why would NBC cancel the show now when giving it one more season would mean a potential syndication deal. Syndication means more money for everybody. NBC likes money, right?

So while my friend and colleague Matt Moore is handling “How Season 3 should have ended (if Dan Harmon knew this was the end and could wrap things up in a manner fitting the series)” over in his corner of the internet, I’m going to make like Johnny Carson and offer some thoughts on how I think this season will end.

Jeff and Annie or Jeff/Annie

Asking will they or won’t they isn’t the interesting question between Jeff and Annie. Rather, we should be asking, why would Jeff want to? If I were to put D&D alignments on these two characters, Annie would be “Lawful Good” and Jeff would be “True Neutral”. Ergo Annie does what is right, all the time, and Jeff does what works best for Jeff. Yet in pursuit of Annie, Jeff has been trending toward “Neutral Good” with even a whiff of “Lawful” thrown in for good measure. Last week’s Basic Lupine Urology saw Jeff in search of justice, instead of a simple win. Is all this just a gambit to impress a girl, or is becoming a prospect for Annie more about redemption for his past misdeeds?

Prediction: Jeff will find redemption and in doing so win over Annie. However, in a moment of pure altruism, Jeff will be struck down. Thus Winger will give in to ego, vanity, and his long seated knowledge that winning is all that matters. Senior year at Greendale will see Jeff as the new Pierce. Annie will be torn between what remains of the group and trying to find the good in Jeff, who has just signed on for an internship at a smarmy, but exclusive, law firm.

Meta References: Star Wars, The Godfather, The Fly

Britta

Since this year’s Halloween episode, possibly earlier, Britta has been in a decaying orbit around a severe existential crisis. It began when she started touting herself as a psychology major on a regular basis. The problem therein is that Britta defines herself not by what she is, but, like any good anarchist, by what she is not. When confronted with the possibility that she is naturally disposed to being every stereotype of the “modern” woman, Britta hit the sauce and considered marrying Jeff as a spiritual seppuku.

Prediction: The Britta and Troy love story will happen. However, the moment Troy asserts a stereotypical male perspective on some seemingly irrelevant point is the moment Britta’s brain breaks.

Meta Reference: Rebel Without A Cause

Troy

We know from the mid-season trailer that the group is going to face expulsion from Greendale. We also know this story was written around a plan that involved a fourth season (Believe in it like Gotham City believed in Harvey Dent). Troy Barnes is the only person capable of saving the group for that fourth season

Prediction: Troy will join the air conditioning repair school on the condition that the group doesn’t get expelled. The quiet privilege that comes with being in the AC school will get inside his head, just like when he relapsed into being a jock. Shortly thereafter, Troy will make an off handed comment toward Britta. This lone act will precipitate the aforementioned Britta brain break.

Meta Reference: What’s a contemporary analogue for Faust…that lawyer movie with Keanu Reeves?

Alternate Timeline Prediction: A freak accident in the “room temperature room” freezes Troy for x number of years. When Troy emerges his only companion is a hologram of Dean Pelton.

Meta References: Buck Rogers, Red Dwarf, Planet of the Apes

Abed

Abed’s a tricky one. Since Remedial Chaos Theory introduced us to the Darkest Timeline, Abed’s tendencies to go meta have been growing more chronic. Rather than using popular culture to relate to people, he has been escaping into it. On the surface, it may seem like Annie’s intervention in the dreamatorium has ebbed a mounting Abed implosion. I suspect, however, that her actions have had less of a self-actualizing effect, and served only to tether Abed’s psyche to the group.

Prediction: Abed’s going to pull a HAL 9000. He will understand the empathy that motivated Troy to save the group, but he won’t be able to reconcile that with Troy leaving the group, an inevitable condition of Vice Dean Laybourne’s amnesty offer. Abed will resolve the conflicting variables as a betrayal on Troy’s part, and as a coping mechanism resurrect Evil Abed. Ending Evil Abed’s reign of terror, around the third or fourth episode of season four, will require the combined efforts of the group.

Meta References: 2001: A Space Odyssey, Terminator, Voltron, or possibly Captain Planet.

Shirley

What could happen to Shirley that is dark without being pointlessly evil? You can’t do anything to her kids, nor would there be much point in breaking her up with her husband. Yet one conversation stands out in my mind. In Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts, Dean Pelton pointed out that Shirley, much to his surprise, is actually learning things at Greendale.

Prediction: Shirley get’s offered a scholarship from a real university. As a real (read: normal) student, she won’t have time for the group. This will further feed into Abed’s abandonment issues/Evil Abed’s source of power.

Meta References: Good Will Hunting

Pierce

It’s hard not to notice Pierce’s marginalized role in the series post-hiatus. Minute for minute, he now gets about as much attention as Chang. Who is to say how much of this is a result of Dan Harmon’s ongoing feud with Chevy Chase? Regardless, I think Starburns’ death was but the first movement in a larger Whedonesque symphony.

Prediction: Pierce is going to die. He and Chang, the two pariahs of Greendale, are going to scooter off with a squad of Greendale security golf carts chasing them. Chang will steer the scooter toward some sort of farcical cliff, implying a mutual suicide. At the last second, Chang will jump off and escape to safety. Pierce will survive the initial ordeal before being crushed by some 10,000 ton ironic gimmick, preferably something that has a tangential relationship to Clark Griswold.

Meta References: Thelma and Louise, National Lampoon’s whatever

Thus bringing to a close The Empire Strikes Back season of Community. Season 4’s motif: Finding redemption through finding one’s self.


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Video Game Review: Stellar Impact

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 2, 2012Posted in: Game Reviews

Summary Judgement: A perfect fit for anybody who loves strategic starship or naval combat.

Space combat games are few and far between these days. So when the good folks at Tindalos Interactive, Headup Games, and Meridian4 gave me a chance to review Stellar Impact, I jumped at the opportunity. The easiest comparison, but not quite the most accurate, would be to say that Stellar Impact is a space battle analogue to Defence of the Ancients or League of Legends.

As an exclusively multi-player game, Stellar Impact sees two opposing fleets battle to control resource points on a map, before blowing up the other team’s starbase.

Each battle begins at the ship yard screen. From there players can review their ships, the various experience points attached to those vessels, and any loot that they earned in previous battles. Believe me when I say that ship customization is at the core of this title. Each of the game’s five core ship classes (eight if you buy the two dollar DLC pack) have twenty-five active abilities. Each ship can have five abilities selected at a given time, and the class of the ship dictates how many abilities can be loaded from specific sub-categories. For example, a destroyer can equip a maximum of three “attack” abilities where a corvette can only have one.

A boy and his destroyer

If that’s not enough modification, each completed battle awards loot in the form of hull, weapon, ammunition, and crew upgrades. The crew upgrades alone add another twenty-five passive buffs to a given ship. Then there are all the in-game buffs you can give to your weapons, armour and NPC units as your fleet collects command points and collectively levels up. So if you’re the sort that likes to tinker, then you’re probably going to find a lot of room for experimentation with this game. At the same time, none of these options feel too overwhelming. On the complexity scale, Stellar Impact falls somewhere between Wing Commander: Privateer and an Armoured Core game. There’s just enough customization to make tactical load outs a matter of some thought, but no real way to break your ship and subsequently ruin the game.

At present, Stellar Impact offers two game play modes, “conquest”, which is the DOTA–esque action I’ve been talking about thus far, and “battlefield” scenarios that focus on ship-to-ship combat without any capturing or base defense. Conquest boasts ten maps to choose from, all of which support 6v6 competition, and Battlefield offers four. The game play itself, in either mode, is quite good. The sound quality is great. The visuals are slick. I’ve yet to notice a serious frame rate drop.

If only immersion were a guarantee of success in battle, I’d be a much better commander. It took me about four or five battles before I really learned the finer points of ship handling and weapons management. It’s not that either are particularly difficult; the game’s tutorial offers an effective overview of commands, navigation, and the UI. The thing of it is that even the smallest ship in Stellar Impact manoeuvres like the massive weapon of war that it is.

Navigating hazards, maintaining formation, and keeping turrets directed on the enemy of choice can be a little challenging to a newbie captain. Even now when I’m piloting a corvette or frigate, I occasionally misjudge the distance I will need for a turning arc and ram into an asteroid. Yet those moments are trumped many times over with the sublime pleasure that comes in tearing through an opponent’s shields with a missile salvo before laying into them with a full broadside from my plasma cannons. It is so rare to see a game that makes capital ship combat feel like the methodical dance that it ought to be, while retaining a level of accessibility that is challenging without being punishing.

One of the reasons I was reticent to immediately lump Stellar Impact in with the likes of DOTA is that where the latter is filled with dickbags and trolls, the people who play Stellar Impact are about as helpful and friendly as can be. Even folks on the opposing team were offering my hapless captaining a bit of constructive advice during my first couple of battles. The game’s general chat room offers a maturity that is almost impossible to find in today’s online gaming world.

We’re going to need a bigger boat…

While my overall experience has been a positive one, I can see some room for improvement. Stellar Impact’s match making system is almost painfully primitive. Once a player joins a game, they are taken to a fleet screen where they select the ship they want to command. Problems occur in that there’s nothing to stop the opposing force from picking a fleet of heavy ships to meet your team’s mixed unit fleet. Lighter ships are great for ninja capturing control points, but other than firing a few pot shots before running away, there’s not a lot they can do against a destroyer or cruiser. On a few occasions my team has readily surrendered once it became obvious that our fleet was simply out gunned. Arguably, sound tactics could get around that problem. However, I would love to see an option that limited fleet values so not everybody could have a dreadnaught. Further, a forced auto-balance between the teams in the pre-battle lounge would seem like a natural thing to include given Stellar Impact’s impressive player ranking system.

I’d also like to see some better descriptions on the loot. Other than looking at the trade in value, the colour coded ship parts don’t do a great job of differentiating between common/uncommon/rare/epic items.

As I mentioned earlier in this review, Stellar Impact offers a DLC bundle that adds three additional classes of starship to the game: the carrier, the support ship, and the artillery ship. Now don’t freak out on me here; none of these ships are essential to enjoying the main game. I repeat, you lose nothing by deciding not to buy the DLC package. However, the DLC ships are unique enough to add some significant tactical options to your combat experience. On that note, I would deem them a good investment. There’s also the fact that the difference between Stellar Impact and Stellar Impact + DLC is a measly two dollars. Consider the DLC good karma toward indie devs, if nothing else.

Overall, I expect that Stellar Impact is going to find greater appeal with a certain type of gamer rather than among the general gaming public. If you’re the sort of person who enjoyed the Starfleet Command series, the Renegade Legion: Leviathan tabletop game, or any sort of naval combat RTS, then you are likely among the target audience. Still, there’s nothing in this game that would alienate people from outside that demographic. What Stellar Impact lacks in game play variety, it makes up for in ship customization. While the community playing this game is small, they are very dedicated and the exact opposite of every negative gamer stereotype in the book.

If you love starship or naval combat, then this game is a definite buy.

Stellar Impact is currently available on Steam for $9.99 or $11.99 with the DLC bundle.


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Television Review/Recap: Game of Thrones Season 2 Episode 5

By
Adam Shaftoe
– April 30, 2012Posted in: TV Reviews

Oh yeah, that’s what they’re doing up there.

Damn it all to hell. I had so hoped to start this review with, “Wow, that was the greatest smoke monster killing frenzy I have ever seen.” Ah well, we can’t always get what we want. The short, fast, and dirty of “The Ghost of Harrenhal” is that the only plots worth caring about are happening in the South of Westeros. The farther North and East the story is set, the more obvious it is that the writers are working overtime to keep the audience’s interest.

*Spoilers Ahead*

The Stormlands

The episode begins with Catelyn Stark negotiating a deal with Renly Baratheon. Renly’s content to let Robb be king of the North, so long as Robb swears fealty to Renly in the same way that Ned Stark swore his loyalty to Robert Baratheon. It’s probably the best deal either party could hope for, so of course it’s all going to go terribly wrong. Melisandre’s smoke baby apparates into Renly’s tent and stabs the man who would be king through the chest. Renly dies. Brienne screams, then cries, then kills a couple of guards who thought she killed Renly. Fearing that they will both be hung for treason, Catelyn convinces Brienne that she must flee in lieu of seeking revenge.

Dawn sees Stannis Baratheon’s fleet closing on Renly’s encampment. Little Finger bursts in on Margaery and Loras Tyrell holding vigil over Renly’s dead body. Margaery orders her brother to saddle their horses so that they, as well as the Tyrell banner men, can flee. We are, however, left with the implication that we haven’t seen the last of Margaery Tyrell. When Little Finger asks if she wants to be a queen, Margaery answers, “No, I want to be the Queen.”

Liam Cunningham (seen above) once thanked me for a compliment I paid him on twitter. True story.

Aboard Stannis’ flagship, Davos Seaworth attempts to confront his king about Melisandre’s smoke baby. Stannis, dour as ever, is hearing nothing of it. Citing the courage to give bad news as a key part of loyalty, Seaworth admits to Stannis that the men fear Melisandre will take King’s Landing from Stannis as easily as he took Renly Baratheon’s men. Reluctantly, Stannis agrees to leave Melisandre behind when they push on King’s Landing. Stannis also assigns Seaworth to command the invasion of the aforementioned city. I coudn’t quite tell if Stannis made the decision in the same way that Tywin Lannister assigned Tyrion to the front lines of his first battle against Robb Stark; the expectation being that he would die. Seaworth has been nothing but loyal, but he also knows that Melisandre is a magic user. If Stannis wins the Iron Throne, Seaworth, who knows that Stannis’ power base rests in sorcery, might prove a liability.

Elsewhere, between the Riverlands and the Strormlands, Catelyn and Brienne try to decide their next step. Brienne wants revenge, but Catelyn advises her against an inevitably suicidal effort. Instead, Brienne offers herself to Catelyn as bodyguard in exchange for a promise that when the time comes, Brienne will get to kill Stannis. It’s actually a rather touching scene to see two of the strongest characters, one literally the other spiritually, exchanging fealty with each other. In that moment the audience can truly understand why the Starks are so beloved by their people.

King’s Landing

Having heard of Renly’s death, Cersei Lannister is positively dripping with hubris. Despite the fact that the Lannisters are now outnumbered on land and sea by Stannis Baratheon’s forces, Cersei is confident in King Joffrey’s plans to deal with a siege of King’s Landing.

Yeah, I said King Joffrey’s plan. And as Bronn points out with his usual aplomb, the plan is bat shit crazy.

After pressing his cousin for information, Tyrion finds out that some combination of the Cersei/Joffrey brain trust has ordered the creation of something called Wild Fire aka Westeros’ version of Greek fire/napalm. And there’s something on the order of 9000 kegs of the stuff inside the walls of King’s Landing. So maybe the Lannisters will repel the invasion, or maybe, as Bronn suggested, they will burn the city around themselves trying to lob exploding Wild Fire projectiles from catapults.

We also learn that the people of King’s Landing are not particularly happy with good King Joffrey’s rule. One particular street preacher lets the audience in on the fact that the people don’t blame Joffrey, they blame Tyrion, the “Demon Monkey” pulling the king’s strings. Ah irony, it’s such a delicious thing. The one person who actually gives a shit about the people of King’s Landing is being written off as the reason for their suffering.

Pyke

Theon Greyjoy is back. In his one scene, he introduces himself to the crew of his ship, the Sea Bitch, like a preening fop. Low and behold, the crew don’t care about him. His first mate reminds him that they are iron islanders and thus accustomed to doing what they like. Translation: perhaps Theon should sack-up and do what he likes as well.

So instead of going to raid fishing villages, Theon decides/is manipulated into attacking a village near Winterfell. Though it’s never said, the implication is that once Bran Stark sends men to aid the village, Theon and his one ship will go besiege Wintefell itself.

I call shenanigans on that.

One sailboat with a crew of 150 men (just guessing based on the size of the ship – also if they don’t have cannon why would they square rig a ship?) can not possibly besiege, let alone capture, a castle. What are they going to do, throw rocks and foul language at Winterfell’s walls?

Winterfell

Bran continues to hold court as Lord of Winterfell. After dealing with pasture problems, word reaches him of the attack on the aforementioned village. Playing into Theon’s “plan” he dispatches 250 men to deal with the incursion. So now Winterfell is vulnerable, I guess. Things make even less sense after Bran talks to the wildling “slave” woman about a dream where the sea floods Winterfell keep. Okay, Bran has a bit of prescience happening if we view the sea as a metaphor for the imminent Greyjoy attack, that’s cool. But then the wildling “slave” confirms what we know from the show’s opening credits, Winterfell is a walled city in the interior of Westeros.

Maybe I’m missing something from not having read the books, but I don’t see what threat one ship full of surly pirates is against a land locked city. Perhaps Theon has some sort of semaphore system that he can use to signal his sister with her 30 ships…so they can all walk inland together?

North of the Wall

Does anybody remember why the men of the Night’s Watch went North of the Wall? I had a serious “oh yeah, that’s why” moment when the Watchmen reminded us that there’s some wilding king who has rallied all the other wildings behind him. Atop some mountain that was settled by the first people who lived in Westeros (narrative infodump warning) the Lord Commander and his rangers decide they need to send a small team of men to kill the wildling king rather than engaging him in pitched battle. So off Jon Snow goes with the rangers to do just that, I think.

Here’s the problem with this plot thread. It seems like the writers are desperate to come up with something for Jon Snow to do. Again, I haven’t read the books, so maybe the powers that be are doing exactly what they should be doing. However, it seems to me that they haven’t locked on to a motivation for Jon Snow that translates from text to television. Last season I knew why the Night’s Watch was important. This season they have spent so much time diddling around with Craster, Sam, Gilly, and dead babies that even though the white walkers are upon them and wildling kings are raising an armies, neither of the two seem very menacing. The entire expedition has the tone of camping trip, rather than an incursion into hostile territory.

So how about this, let’s kill Sam next week. Nothing would raise the stakes better than killing the nicest person on the show.

Qarth

Honestly baby, I want you for your body, not your dragons.

See Daenerys. See Daenerys go to parties. Party, Daenerys, party. Once again, Daenerys spends the episode alternating between confusion and outrage. First, she learns that Robert Baratheon is dead. Then Xaro Xhoan Daxos, the black guy who let her into Qarth, reveals that he is filthy stinking rich and wants Daenerys to marry him. In exchange he will outfit her with men, horses, and ships to mount a campaign against the Seven Kingdoms. Jorah Mormont convinces Daenerys that the men she needs to reclaim the Iron Throne are in Westeros, not Essos. Mormont then adds that she will need only one ship, a ship to carry her home.

So the plan is that Daenerys is going to walk into Westeros, announce to everybody that she has some baby dragons, and then those same people will forget about her father’s insane rule and rally behind her?

I don’t care if it’s a divergence from the novels, but it’s time to either do something very interesting with Daenerys Targaryen or kill her so we can focus on more interesting characters.

Harennhal

The eponymous ghost of Harrenhal turns out to be one of the men that Arya freed from the prison cart. After some talk about the Red God, he offers Arya three lives in exchange for the three that she spared. Arya first asks for the life of the man who was torturing the prisoners. The Ghost delivers it to her at the end of the episode.

The big question is this: will Arya ask for the life of Tywin Lannister. On the one hand he’s the man who saved her, Gendry, and the other prisoners from certain painful death. He’s also the man waging a losing war against her brother and is, indirectly, responsible for the death of her father. Arya statement to him that “any man can be killed” could certainly be construed as an adequate foreshadow of events to come. But Arya’s not stupid, there’s no real point in killing her benefactor without an exit strategy.

The man with no name.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And that, as they say, is that. Five episodes down, five to go.


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