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The Avengers: Did Joss Do It Right?

By
Adam Shaftoe
– June 8, 2012Posted in: Movie Reviews

Back in January I was a little anxious about The Avengers. I feared that Joss Whedon’s writing/directing talents would be subject to the whims of a studio intent on making all the money in the world. To cope, I offered a few ideas on what Marvel’s flagship super hero movie could do to keep the audience, both fans of the genre and relative newcomers, happy with the final product. After six weeks, 1.3 billion dollars in gross box office returns, and what I imagine to be at least one money fight between various Marvel executives, I’ve finally seen Earth’s mightiest heroes in action.

So rather than offer my two cents in the form of an incredibly late to the game, and arguably pointless therein, review, I thought it would be fun to look at my concerns from five months ago and see how they lined up with the final product.

*Spoilers Ahead*

January point #1 – Don’t mention the Fantastic Four, not even a little.

Check and mate. Though if I had my head screwed on when I wrote that post, I would have realized that Fox owns the film rights to the Fantastic Four. Ergo, there’s no way they could have popped into Avengers. I suppose Whedon could have snuck in a shot of the Baxter building at some point, if only for the sake of Marvel universe continuity.

January point #2 – Keep it on Earth.

Let me further quote myself on this point:

““While the modern audience has embraced super heroes, a general desire to explore Marvel’s cosmic canon doesn’t quite seem to be in play. Much as I want to see it, bringing the Kree into this movie would probably be a huge mistake.”

Joss Whedon, you magnificent bastard. Ages ago Whedon announced that the Avengers’ foe would be neither the Skrulls nor the Kree. There was some outrage from among the fans, myself included, who assumed that the film’s antagonists would default to the Frost Giants of Jotunheim. Wrong. Whedon pulled a fast one and gave us Skrulls who aren’t Skrulls.

The Chitauri are the “Marvel Ultimates” answer to the Skrulls. Even though Whedon ignored their shape shifting abilities, he managed to conjure up an extra worldly enemy that put almost all interested parties on the same level. Perhaps the purists will cry, “You’re doing it wrong,” but considering the disastrous attempt to bring Galactucs into contemporary cinema, I’m going to call the Chitauri a win. Whedon kept the story on Earth, but also brought in an enemy that would require the combined might of SHIELD and the Avengers. His success here paves the way to triple down on the cosmic forces in form of Thanos. Oh and for the benefit of anybody who doesn’t know, in the comics Thanos once managed to kill pretty much all of the Avengers, X-Men, and anybody else who had super powers. Just sayin’.

January point #3 – Do something epic with the Hulk.

I do believe that Captain America said it best with the immortal words, “Hulk. Smash!” The Hulk then KO’d a giant flying Chitauri space worm thing. Later, he sucker punched Thor for comedic effect. If punching a god and a bunch of aliens all in the same movie isn’t epic, I don’t know what is.

January point #4 – Give us some tension between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers.

Quoting myself again: “I could envision Cap snarking to Tony that he’s no Howard Stark; to be followed by Tony punching Cap for even daring to make the comparison.  Even better, Cap gives Stark a lecture on personal sacrifice.”

Wrong on the punching, right on Cap calling out Stark vis-a-vis understanding what it means to be a hero.

The Avengers does a great job bringing out a laundry list of interpersonal conflicts between the would-be team as well as SHIELD Director Nick Fury. The various members may not be Watchmen-esque with their flaws, but they’re about as damaged as one could expect from a PG rated movie. If we stop to consider the first ever Avengers story, wherein Ironman, Wasp, and Thor easily mesh to work for the greater good, Joss Whedon and Zak Penn’s story becomes something much more original. After the fashion of the Marvel Ultimates’ universe, the film tracks closer to what reality would be if these heroes actually existed.

January point #5 – Don’t forget about Black Widow and Hawkeye.

I can’t imagine a way that Avengers could have been more balanced. Everybody, including the two least super powered members of the team, had a role to play. Jeremy Renner’s acting chops were not wasted as he alternated between Loki’s thrall and SHIELD’s operative. Nor was Scarlett Johansson reduced to a walking talking piece of token cleavage as a means of appealing to the 13-18 year old male demographic. The implied back story between the two characters was carried with such magnificent gusto that I now find myself wanting a more sophisticated film dedicated to these two characters.

January point #6 – No more SHIELD jokes.

If you’ve seen the movie, you know that we’re never going to get another SHILED joke again, ever. It’s inevitable, really, that when Joss Whedon is about, somebody is going to die. Since Marvel wouldn’t let him kill any of the actual Avengers, it was a coin toss between Maria Hill and Phil Coulson. Still, shooting Loki with the BFG 9000 after getting shived through the back has got to earn him a place at Odin’s table in Valhalla.

Bottom line: Mr. Whedon managed to keep this Marvel fan a happy camper. Not simply because he pulled off a challenging ensemble piece, but because he broke Marvel’s cosmic curse. So long as Avengers 2 is managed with a similar hand on the tiller, this story’s introduction of Thanos paves the way for all manner of yet to be explored Marvel properties. Perhaps we could have a proper Dark Phoenix story replete with the Shi’ar Empire. If we consider that the “Mojoverse” created reality television long before Survivor ever came along, a Longshot movie could probably work.

Likely, we’ll just get more sequels with proven characters. However, Joss Whedon’s triumph in something that could have gone wrong on so many levels at least opens the door to some interesting new possibilities.


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Movie Review: Thor

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 24, 2012Posted in: Movie Reviews

Yes, despite the fact that it came out last year, I’m reviewing Thor. There is, however, method to my madness. You see, I didn’t watch the big screen adaptation of Marvel Comics’ Norse Avenger until Tuesday night. Why did I put off seeing this movie for so long? Because everybody and their cousin told me that it was a barely passable snore fest. Phrases like, “Utterly unremarkable” and “Not as good as Iron Man” were tossed around with reckless abandon.

To which I now say, Thor might not be better than Iron Man, but it is certainly on par.

Let’s begin with the abridged version of my well worn diatribe on how “the viewing public” have no stomach for anything remotely cosmic in their super hero movies. What do you know, that’s basically it right there.

So long as a super hero movie is set on Earth, people will line up in droves to go see it (Spider-Man 3 as witness for the prosecution). Once things get cosmic, suspension of disbelief must start to break down. Go ahead and look up “The Dark Phoenix Saga”, and then tell me just how much it has in common with X-Men 3. Or see if Doctor Doom had any role to play in Galactus/Silver Surfer’s first encounter with humanity. I digress.

Marvel made a gutsy decision to keep Thor true to his Asgardian roots, or at least close enough that nothing seemed out of place to my eyes. Despite opting for the fantastic, rather than the familiar, Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three jaunt between Earth, Asgard (Thor’s stomping grounds, just like in the mythology), and Jotunheim (the realm of the Frost Giants) with the same sort of narrative ease that would see Tony Stark putting on Armani suit. This smooth introduction into an alien world, albeit one that should be vaguely familiar to anybody who completed the seventh grade, is likely due to the fact that unlike Iron Man, Captain America, and The Incredible Hulk, Thor breaks the “back story before real adventure” formula of Marvel’s “Avenger Initiative”.

There’s no need to burn forty minutes establishing suitable hand waving for Thor’s powers; he’s the son of Odin and he’s got a magic hammer. What else do you need to know? Sure, the Asgardians fought a war with the Frost Giants of Jotunheim. But the key difference between this movie and some of the aforementioned is that Odin’s flashbacks frame the film’s conflict, rather than its central character’s abilities. This allows the story to unfold at a more natural pace, that is to say without the use of an action sequence montage; I’m looking at you, Captain America.

That’s fine, Adam, but it’s still not better than Iron Man.

Fine, it might not be better, but it’s hard to say the movie is worse when the exact same conceits drive both stories. Tony Stark is a prideful, vainglorious, prince who thinks that war is great and glorious until he gets dragged out of Stark Tower to witness human suffering at an individual level. The character undergoes a metamorphosis and is reborn as the heroic Iron Man, having paid in blood for his past hubris. Thor is a narcissistic warmonger who thinks that his father is weak for not destroying the Frost Giants. Therein Thor is stripped of his powers and banished to Earth. Upon arrival he learns a lesson in humility, responsibility, and self-sacrifice before finding redemption and rebirth.

Oh and both movies feature family squabbles spilling into high stakes situations in the finest fashion of Hamlet. I might even be inclined to liken Loki to Iago as a character whose motivations are a bit more complex than, “Behold, I am evil. Watch me do evil things.” But I’ll save that for another time.

Thor and Iron Man are almost identical given the way in which their protagonists follow the heroic cycle. With all things being generally equal in terms of story, acting, and visual effects – RDJ edges out Chris Hemsworth as a leading man but Thor beats out Iron Man’s aesthetic – it seems rather silly to talk about Thor’s deficiencies compared to Iron Man. The two films, as well as the two characters, compare quite nicely.

For anybody else bought into the anti-Thor pro-Iron Man agenda, you’re missing out on a good super hero movie. It’s not the best thing ever with an extra serving of bacon, but it’s genuinely entertaining on all counts. Also, no SHIELD jokes from Agent Phil Coulson. Yay!


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The Daily Shaft: Seven Laws from Science Fiction

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 1, 2012Posted in: Books, Movies, Television, The Daily Shaft, Video Games

One of the most interesting parts of science fiction/speculative fiction is looking at how writers’ imagine we will govern ourselves in the future. Will innovations in technology create shining futures where government regulation is benign? Or will humanity drift into dystopia and the jack boots of totalitarian rule. Drawn from a variety of mediums, I offer seven examples of future law for your consideration.

1 – The Prime Directive – Star Trek


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A rule this big has to be either first or last in a post like this. I chose to get it out of the way early.

Meaning: In short, the prime directive forbids members of Star Fleet from mucking about in the development of pre-warp drive civilizations. Of course most Star Fleet captains tend to have a rather liberal approach to the PD.

Value of the law: In theory the Prime Directive protects Star Fleet officers from their own good intentions. It could also be seen as a lassie-faire means test for emergent civilizations. Rather using their resources to nudge a planet along a healthy development path, the Federation has codified inaction. This isn’t necessarily a good thing when the Prime Directive  oozes into real world politics – case in point, the world’s very slow reaction to Syria.

2 – Human Augmentation Regulation – Deus Ex / Deus Ex: Human Revolution


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meaning: The near future world of Deus Ex answers the question of biological evolution through technological enhancement. No longer limited to the realm of limb/organ replacement, cybernetic/nanotech augmentation is about cosmetic appeal, performance enhancement, and a marker of economic status.

Value of the law: Though the mythos explores ‘human purity’ movements, the main purpose of the laws are to create oversight in an unregulated market. Essentially, it’s a way of putting government in control of post-human evolution, rather than leaving it in the hands of corporate interests. Not simply an allegory for contemporary socio-economics, Deus Ex’s Augmentation Regulations evoke timeless questions on what it means to be human.

3 – Superhero Registration Act – Marvel Civil War 2006-2007


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meaning: After a group of amateur super heroes blew up a significant portion of Stamford, Connecticut, the federal government, upon the urging of Tony Stark and Reed Richards, passed a law that required any person with super powers residing within the United States to register as a living weapon of mass destruction. In doing so, their public identity would be a matter of record. Should they undertake any super heroics without the consent of SHIELD, they’d be treated as criminal vigilantes.

Value of the law: It wasn’t a particularly new concept within the Marvel universe. Anybody who follows X-Men knew that mutant registration was a regular theme, which drew inspiration from any number of 20th century atrocities. Yet the idea resonated with a post 9/11 audience that was particularly sensitive about issues concerning individual and civil liberties in the wake of Patriot Act abuses.

4 – Emotional Laws – Equilibrium


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meaning: In the post world war three nation-state of Libria, the powers that be decided that human emotion was the cause of all suffering. Their answer to this problem was to rid people of all emotion through a culture war and widespread use of super Prozac. To feel was to commit a capital crime against the state.

Value of the law: It’s hard to ascribe value to a law that forbids emotion while promoting a poorly designed fascist state. As a film, Equilbrium owes much to George Lucas’ THX 1138, and, like most totalitarian dystopias, to the writing of George Orwell. So perhaps the worth in the sense laws is in understanding their narrative origins.

5 – The Butlerian Commandment – Dune

I know its a terminator, but I couldn't find a good Dune style thinking machine picture


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meaning: “Thou shalt not make a machine in likeness of a man’s mind.” One of the cornerstones of Orange-Catholicism, the dominant religion within Frank Herbert’s Dune, is the prohibition into research that would create artificial intelligence.

Value of the law: The commandment works to thrust the Dune universe into a prolonged period of technological stagnation where even the most rudimentary computers are met with extreme suspicion and distrust. This lays much of the groundwork for the high fantasy motifs that permeate the novel.

6 – Psychic Registration and the Psi-Corps – Babylon 5


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meaning: In Babylon 5’s vision of the 23rd century, human psychics have three choices in life: prison, drugs to suppress psychic abilities, or joining the Psi-Corps.

Value of the law: As the show reveals, the Psi-Corps is anything but a benevolent organization. It enacts breeding programs, carries out human experimentation, and executes its own political agenda independent of any concern for how their goals will affect non-psychics or “Mundanes”. Much like the Superhero/Mutant Registration Acts and the Human Augmentation Regulations, the Psi-Corps is a perfect example of how issues of evolution can get ugly when a small group of people think they are superior to the multitude.

7 – State Mandated Death – Logan’s Run


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meaning: Within a near post-scarcity world, the state, as manifested by an aging and decaying computer, enforces a rule that people must die on their twenty-first birthday. (I’m going by the book not the movie on this one, so don’t talk to me about dying at thirty)

Value of the law: William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson asked two interesting questions within their novel: What happens when the state gets so powerful it can tell you when to die? Why should people respect their elders? The revolution that began the novel’s “death at twenty-one movement” was the result of a disproportionately young population in the wake of the baby boom. Rather than levelling off, the world reached a critical mass of young people by the year 2000. It’s easy then to see the law as the result of a majority seizing political agency from the entrenched authority. Yet it’s also a commentary maintaining a sustainable population through invasive social control.

Honourable mentions include: Futurama’s mutant laws, Blade Runner’s replicant laws, Ringworld’s reproduction lottery, the nanny state gone wrong in Demolition Man, and the no babies law from Zero Population Growth. My thanks to Rick Landon for his suggestion of Equilibrium’s Sense Laws.


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The Daily Shaft: Really Confusing Details About Captain America 2

By
Adam Shaftoe
– April 5, 2012Posted in: Movies, The Daily Shaft

Does anybody else remember when the buzz about Hollywood was that the Avengers was going to be a capstone in Marvel Studios’ five-year superhero plan? Perhaps I’m unclear on the definition of “capstone”, but I thought it meant that Marvel was going to be moving on to make movies about some of its lesser known characters. News out of today’s Variety seems to suggest the exact opposite is true with respect to Marvel’s long-term planning.

Disney and Marvel Studios are going to release a sequel to Captain America: The First Avenger on April 4, 2014. Yes, the date is that specific. And yes, I did say that Marvel is working with Disney on this movie. In a completely unrelated story, Disney’s box office turd John Carter has grossed a total 66.9 million dollars since release on March 9th. In other unrelated news, 21 Jump Street has grossed 97 million dollars since March 16th.

The yet unnamed Cap sequel will continue the story established in this summer’s Avengers. This seems a little problematic to me. Here’s why:

Iron Man 3 is set to drop on May 3, 2013. Thor 2’s release date is on November 15, 2013. Are these two movies not going to deal with the aftermath of Loki and his Kree Skrull Radamians Borg boogie-woogie aliens that aren’t really aliens because extraterrestrials don’t test well with the focus groups? Or is it going to end up like the second season of Lost where the same story is told from three different perspectives?

Knowing that Marvel had a plan for their seemingly divergent super hero movies kept me coming back for more. Nick Fury/Tony Stark’s epilogues were, dare I say it, an innovative sort of marketing trick that had the benefit of hinting at a larger narrative. Perhaps the Avengers is going to be both capstone and headwaters for Marvel’s next five year plan. As it stands now, things just seem confusing.

The Avengers opens worldwide on May 4th 2012.


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Comic Review: Spider-Woman: Agent of S.W.O.R.D.

By
Adam Shaftoe
– February 24, 2012Posted in: Lit Reviews

Summary Judgement: It’s not great, but it isn’t so bad that it would stop me from reading more Spider-Woman if it came my way.

Written by: Brian Michael Bendis

Art by: Alex Maleev

Let’s start with the basics. Save for where she cropped up during the main plot of the Marvel civil war, I have never read a single issue of Spider-Woman in my life. When I played Marvel Ultimate Alliance, I never picked her to be on my team; I mean why would I when I had my dream combo of Silver Surfer, Iron Man, Colossus, and Storm? I should also add that I hadn’t read anything in the Marvel universe before the civil war for about five years and really nothing much since. So for all intents and purposes Spider-Woman: Agent of SWORD is my introduction to the character and her corner of the Marvel universe.

The story for this motion comic is set shortly after the events of Marvel’s “Secret Invasion” story line. Therein, the Skrulls infiltrated the Earth, replacing A-list super heroes with their own shape-shifting operatives. Jessica Drew aka Spider-Woman was lucky enough to be replaced by the Skrull queen, herself. The first “issue” of this story begins with Jessica sitting in a sleazy hotel room commenting on the fact that she is likely the most screwed over person in the world. She even goes so far as to put herself above Wolverine in this regard. It’s not exactly an endearing start for a newbie like myself. However, I suppose maudlin whingeing is a risk that a reader runs when they engage with a hero whose name is prefixed with the word spider.

The five issue/episode arc is a venerable primer for the Marvel universe’s recent history. The Avengers are working directly for SHIELD. Hydra is trying to stir revolutions in Southeast Asia. And, most relevant to the story, an organization called SWORD (Sentient World Observation and Response Department) is rounding up alien threats to the Earth, most notably left over Skrulls from the secret invasion. For want of any other purpose in life, and a healthy desire for revenge, Jessica joins SWORD. Her first mission is to kill a Skrull hiding out on the island of Madripoor.

Unfortunately, hunting down this rogue Skrull operative is a minor plot point within the overall story arc. Too much screen time is dedicated to Jessica on the run from local law enforcement, some douche bags called the Thunderbolts who are in the employ of Norman Osborne, and Hydra’s attempts to bring Jessica into their particular fold.

On an interesting note, Skrulls are not at all the way I remember them. When Jessica calls out the Madripoor Skrull in the middle of a crowded bar, he beats the ever loving piss out of her without breaking much of a sweat. The only thing that saves Jessica from untimely death is the arrival of the Avengers. You heard me, it takes the entirety of the Avengers to deal with one freakin’ Skrull. Anybody else remember when the Skrulls were a bunch of mamby-pamby pushovers that got relegated to the Fantastic Four? Or when one particular Skrull got passed back and forth between the Thing and the Human Torch like Robin does between Barney and Ted on How I Met Your Mother? Now it takes the Avengers just to bring down one. I’d hate to see what the Kree are up to these days. So as far as the story goes, it’s not great, but it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen, either.

The combination of Alex Maleev’s gorgeous art work and Nicolette Reed’s voice acting as Jessica Drew, almost makes up for the plot’s short comings. Reed’s performance is consistent, fueled by believable emotion, and succeeded in creating some empathy between myself and a character who was all but unknown to me. Maleev’s art is grim and highly detailed. He does a fantastic job of showing Marvel’s dirty underbelly. At the same time, tapping Reed to voice Lady Hydra, a villain who has numerous scenes with Jessica, was a mistake. There were points when it sounded like Jessica was having a very manic conversation with herself. Also, whoever was doing the voice for Captain America hammed it up so badly that the final episode should come with a non-kosher warning for any Orthodox Jews who might be watching it.

Overall, Spider-Woman: Agent of SWORD is a bit of a mixed bag. Inevitably, somebody with a finer eye for recent events within the Marvel universe would be horrified by this story arc. As a newcomer to the character, I certainly wasn’t bored by what I saw. Generally good voice acting does more than its part to make up for a plot that would have benefited with a bit better focus. In the end, I can think of worse ways to spend an hour.


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The Daily Shaft: A Closer Look at the New Avengers Trailer

By
Adam Shaftoe
– February 7, 2012Posted in: Movies, The Daily Shaft

I have to assume that unless you have been living in a cave on Mars, with your fingers in your ears, humming the theme to Happy Days, you’ve seen the new trailer for The Avengers, which debuted during the Super Bowl – I’m told this bowl is an annual sporting event/pagan sacrifice of chickens’ wings. If Twitter is to be believed, however, the world has already moved on from its mightiest superheroes, shifting its attention to New York’s resident web slinger. Arguably, the Spider-Man trailer looks pretty good, but I see no reason why we shouldn’t revisit the most recent Avengers trailer to take a quick look at what’s going on.

Instead of doing a complete start to finish breakdown, I’m going to go back to the five points for Avengers success that I wrote last month to see how this trailer measures up therein.

Keep it on Earth – Check. But I’d be blind not to notice the flying laser spewing motorcycles of doom as well as the hovering thing that looks like Nero’s space drill from Star Trek 2009. I also noticed Nick Fury talking about how Earth is totally out gunned. You know who out guns everybody? The Kree. I know, probably not, likely Frost Giants as they’ve already tested well(?) with audiences. Still, Loki leading a Kree invasion of Earth? I would watch the hell out of that movie – assuming Whedon doesn’t follow the Marvel tradition of making the aliens so stupid as to be laughable.

Do something epic with Hulk – The Hulk as the Avengers secret weapon? That could be quite good. It would introduce a bit of moral ambiguity into the shiny white knight Avengers if Nick Fury used the language of “state before individual” to turn Banner into a living weapon.

No more S.H.I.E.L.D. jokes – None were made in the trailer, so that’s good. We also don’t see agent Phil Coulson, infamous setup guy for S.H.I.E.L.D. jokes, that’s very good.

Give us some tension between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers – They might not have been brawling on the deck of a helicarrier, but the rigid formality between Cap and Iron Man foreshadows nothing if not a tense relationship between the two. The trailer also hints at the more cordial relationship between Thor and Cap, a detail that Whedon had talked about during recent press events.

Don’t forget about Black Widow and Hawkeye – If people didn’t know why they should care about Black Widow and Hawkeye before this trailer, they still don’t. Widow’s screen time is limited to kicking something, a “come hither” look, and loading a pea shooter pistol. Similarly, Hawkeye draws his bow twice. In the immortal words of Edna Krabappel, “Pretty lame, Milhouse Marvel.” I get that Scarlet Witch is Magneto’s daughter and Fox owns the rights to that part of the Marvel Universe, but why in Odin’s name couldn’t we have The Wasp in play instead of a ret con’d Black Widow?

Four out of five for the new Avengers trailer is better than I expected. As always, how it will all come together remains to be seen. For now, I’ll at least upgrade this movie to “promising” from “potential boondoggle”.


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The Daily Shaft: Joss Whedon on the Avengers

By
Adam Shaftoe
– January 16, 2012Posted in: Movies, The Daily Shaft

During a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, Avengers writer/director Joss Whedon shared a few more details on the movie that Marvel has been hyping for nearly half a decade.  No pressure there for Mr. Whedon.  The Avengers is only the culminating entry in what amounts to Marvel’s theatrical five year plan. Fortunately, it seems like the man who brought us Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Serenity and Doctor Horrible is taking a pretty decent tack with this story.

Whedon had this to say about how the story unfolds. “So much…takes place from Steve Rogers’ perspective, since he’s the guy who just woke up and sees this weird-ass world. Everyone else has been living in it. He’s the guy that feels that sense of loss.”

As an on-again off-again Marvel fan, this sounds good to me. Captain America, in addition to being the sometimes leader of the Avengers, is the soul of the team. Stark Industries might bankroll the Avengers’ operations and Thor offers some serious super hero credibility, but Cap is the team’s moral compass. Indeed, his role therein has become all the more interesting as the world in which Steve Rogers lives gets farther away from the Roosevelt-era ideals that form his character.

While keeping Captain America as the narrative crux of the team is a good start, there’s a lot that could go wrong with this movie.  On that note, I thought I would offer up some of my thoughts on what the Avengers can do to keep me, and likely thousands of other unappeasable nerds, from calling foul/cash grab/you’re shitting on childhood against this particular superhero extravaganza.

Don’t mention the Fantastic Four, not even a little. NB: I don’t like the Fantastic Four. Had I super powers, the last place I would want to be is in a team with my little sister and the guy who is schtooping her. I’d be okay with The Thing so long as he sounded like Michael Chiklis and not this guy.

Returning to the point at hand, the first Fan Four movie was charming, but not all that great. But the second was an abysmal flop that made me want cry over my Moebius Silver Surfer issues. Thor and Iron Man 2 got enough mixed reviews on their own that we don’t need to remind the audience about a movie that rivals Spider-Man 3 as one of Marvel’s biggest two-flushers. On a similar note…

Keep it on Earth. I say that with a heavy heart. So much of the Marvel universe happens outside the confines of our little planet. While the modern audience has embraced super heroes, a general desire to explore Marvel’s cosmic canon doesn’t quite seem to be in play. Much as I want to see it, bringing the Kree into this movie would probably be a huge mistake.

Do something epic with the Hulk. Consider that 1963’s Avengers #1 sees Loki manipulating the Hulk, not hard to do, into destroying a rail road track. Loki expects Thor to show up to deal with Bruce Banner’s alter ego.  Instead Ant-Man, the Wasp and Iron Man arrive and take care of Loki.  Banner, back to himself, runs off as everybody is afraid of him. Louis Leterrier somewhat redeemed the on-screen Hulk in 2008.  It would be a waste of potential if Whedon didn’t capitalize on the fact that the audience is at least sympathetic, if not genuinely interested, in seeing the Hulk on screen.

Give us some tension between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. The worst thing that Whedon could possibly do is have Stark and Cap as the best of pals. Since both are alpha males, their personalities are bound to conflict with each other. I could envision Cap snarking off to Tony that he’s no Howard Stark, and then Tony punching Cap for even daring to make the comparison.  Even better, Cap gives Stark a lecture on personal sacrifice. Steve Rogers had a hero’s disposition even before he got the super solider serum; Iron Man, not so much. Conceivably there are alternate universes where Stark never got grabbed by the North Vietnamese/The Mandarin/Al-Qaeda and he and Obadiah Stane are snorting cocaine off the backs of $50,000 a night call girls. Whatever shape the relationship takes, these two can not be friends.

No More S.H.I.E.L.D. jokes. First of all, S.H.I.E.L.D stands for Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate, not Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. Not everything needs a post 9/11 retcon. But seriously, it wasn’t really funny the first time. Let’s get through this movie without anybody saying it again.

Don’t forget about Black Widow and Hawkeye. My fear here is that some combination of Marvel or Whedon tapped these two characters because putting Hank Pym/Ant Man or Wasp, actual founding members of the team, into the movie would incur too high of a special effects cost on an already expensive and purportedly over budget movie. In that light, it would be pretty easy to overlook a spy and an archer when set against a billionaire, war hero and Norse god. I’m at a loss to speculate how Black Widow is going to be a unique character within this story. Scarlett Johansson isn’t really old enough to connect the character to her Soviet roots. As for Hawkeye, it would be all too easy for his mercurial nature to turn him into comic relief for a stoic Captain America.

I guess all we can do is wait to see what happens. The Avengers assemble on May 4, 2012.


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Movie Pre-Review: Iron Man 2

By
Adam Shaftoe
– May 7, 2010Posted in: Movie Reviews

Thoughts on why I’m not kicking down old ladies to get in line for Iron Man 2.

In my younger days, I found Iron Man to be one of Marvel’s more appealing superheros.  Like all thirteen year old nerds, I started off as a Spider-Man fan.  Then I turned fifteen and decided that Spider-Man was pure and utter bullshit.  My change of heart didn’t have anything to do with convoluted plots that involved clones and love triangles.  No, my beef originated from Spider-Man’s quintessential lie.  After two years of high school, I figured out that even if you are a photography nerd and excel in science class, smokin’ hot red heads will always defer to the athletes.  Thus did I sell out and move on to Iron Man.

After the piss poor showing that was Fan 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, I had very low expectations for Iron Man’s theatrical release.  However, a solid story, loyalty to the character’s origins – albeit adapted for the post 9/11 world – and RDJ’s acting abilities turned the movie into the mega-hit that we all know and love.  Why then am I ambivalent about the sequel?

Part of my apathy comes from the fact that Tony Stark has always been his own worst enemy.  T.S. is a drunken manic depressive who despite having access to a life about which mortal men dare not dream, still finds it necessary to down a forty of jack before putting on his armour.  In many ways, he’s the George Clooney of super heroes.  I can handle the darker side of Stark getting downplayed for the first movie.  However, to keep the character honest to the source material, his more destructive side needs to eventually come out of the shadows.  Given the PG rating, I don’t think we are going to get RDJ throwing bottles of whiskey at War Machine and sobbing in Pepper Potts’ arms.

Another reason I probably won’t be charging headlong into Iron Man 2 stems from the fact that I want Iron Man to fight a real foe.  The last movie was about corporate intrigue and from what I’ve read, this one is going to be the same.  So instead of watching Iron Man fight the Mandarin – okay fine we probably can’t get away with the Mandarin as a villain in the 21st century – I get another story about how a virtuous corporation beats a crooked one?  I know capitalism needs to hire some new PR people, but is this the best they’ve got?  It’s like I’m trapped in some morality play sponsored by the 19th century robber barons.

I’m also finding it increasingly difficiult to shake the feeling that every Marvel Studios release is just foreplay for the impending 2012 release of The Avengers. Since I know the back story of Captain America, Thor and Iron Man, part of me wants to just avoid Marvel movies until they come together to fight…the Skrulls…HYDRA…global warming?  Also, don’t get me started on how Chris Evans aka Human Torch from the Fantastic Flop was tapped to play Captain America.

Ultimately, I’m not sure what I’m going to miss by waiting on this movie.  I know it’s going to be big, loud and explosive.  RDJ’s probably going to get some funny one-liners that will make for at least a summer’s worth of water cooler fodder.  Sam Jackson as Nick Fury will make enigmatic allusions to the “Avengers Initiative”.  People will heap praise on Mickey Rourke for continuing to be a post-The Comeback movie darling.  By the end of the film RDJ will get his Iron Man helmet knocked off so we can see is face as he quips the ultimate one-liner that smites his foes.  Good guys win, bad guys lose and England prevails…wait no wrong slogan.  Team America, Fuck Yeah!

If I had any impression that this was going to be an AC/DC themed The Empire Strikes Back of the trilogy, I’d be standing in line for a ticket, writing with giddy anticipation on my iPhone.  I know I’ll eventually end up watching Iron Man 2.  Yet, unless somebody gives me a really good reason to brave the hordes, or Tony Stark sends the Quinjet to come pick me up,  I’ll probably wait until the week before Iron Man 2 leaves theatres before venturing forth.

So, do any of you have a good reason why I should rush to see this movie?

PS: Please send the Quinjet to come pick me up.

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